Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Fall Already

I really like the fall season.  I think it's my favorite season of all.  But where o where did the summer go?  I remember Hugo's preschool ending and swim lessons beginning.  I remember my nephew Charlie and niece Sofia coming for a visit.  I remember swimming at The Big Deep to avoid the high heat, but...  The rest is a big, big blur.

This past summer was the most time I have ever spent indoors.  Ever.  Even rolling the clock back to my working days.  Why was that?  The girls.  But why?  Two babies at the pool is kinda sorta difficult.  Walks were out with the double stroller and Hugo pulling at my shirttail wanting to be carried.  My yard, don't even wonder about my yard.  It looks like some crazy cat lady is holed up indoors only to be seen on Halloween night with her fist full on Meow Mix coupons, headed to the market for redemption.  We do not need spooky decorations this year, we've had that covered for some time now.

This summer also was witness to my mood dipping and waning in an unhealthy spiral.  I'd been on autopilot for awhile.  When it started to become clear to me that there was a problem and I began to understand what I was feeling, I tried to talk it out.  I cried too.  My husband thought it would help to go home and see my family.  I almost put the breaks on the trip.  I had a private little freak out all by myself about it.  As we began the drive west, Cesar asked if I was excited, I told him I wasn't sure yet.  And I really wasn't.  I woke up on the other side of Chicago and took over the wheel driving north.  It was the most awake I'd felt in a long, long time.  As I stepped though the door of my Grandmother's house and felt her arms around me, all the fuzzyness in my head evaporated.  

I've been cleaning and rearranging the rooms of our house again.  It feels good.  I want to paint.  I want to make curtains for a few empty windows.

I don't miss this past summer, it was a hard one.  My mind is now looking forward to the quiet repetition and comfort of fall.

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1 comment:

laina kay said...

Been there. In fact I think I'm just emerging from my own long term funk. It's hard when your life changes so much, so quickly. Pinky was so unexpected for me. Babies are so wonderful but oh so encumbering. The wonderfulness probably makes it worse because it brings on the guilt, too. At least for me. Twins must certainly bring extra blessings and be extra hard at the same time. So glad to hear you're feeling stronger. Keep on keeping on!